You guys, what have I done?

I went and opened my big mouth, is what I did.

So, I'm not sure I've really posted all that much about this, but since April I have been working at a local winery.  I love it - it's so much fun and even menial tasks (like stocking shelves) are calming for me.  It's also so peaceful out at the winery, too, and I love my coworkers and my boss (the vintner). 

Anyway, I recently found out that, well you all know this - that I won't be graduating until December - but there isn't a good opportunity for me at the University as far as teaching.  So, even though I will defend this summer, I won't exactly have any further commitments after summer school ends (I'm teaching a 4-week class that is about to begin soon) though I won't be completely done with the University until December.  So, I'm free to go (counting on a successful defense, that is).

This all occurred rather abruptly, and I know what you are thinking:  why was I not anticipating this feeling months ago?  And to tell you the truth, I was a little, but it's so hard to see past the dissertation when it's staring you in the face - it's kind of like when a character in a movie confronts a scary animal/monster in a tunnel - you know that they can't turn back around because then their quest will end, and you know that the animal won't kill them (although it might cause damage or injury) because then the movie would end.  You know that the person will get through, but it's something that's in the background for you - you are concentrating RIGHT NOW on the animal/monster that the character has confronted.  It's kind of like that.  I knew that one day I'd be done with the dissertation, but when I came upon it in the tunnel (heavy with a backpack full of books on how to slay the monster!), it was hard to do anything but look it in the face and confront it.  Now that it is almost done, I can see light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel.  And it still really IS a surprise to me - here it is, almost July 1, and I need to find a job because I'm in the process of disentangling myself from the University.

Okay....tangent over...ANYWAY, I work at this winery, and I'm teaching a summer class, and one of the main employees at this winery that is in charge of wholesale sales left yesterday to run another winery (in another country!).  So, I volunteered to pick up her slack while the winery searched for a replacement.  I'm getting the opportunity to learn client management software, professional invoicing, etc. so it's a great learning opportunity.  The thing is, I need to be looking for a career, you know, that light at the end of the tunnel?  But the economy is tight right now, and I do mean tight.

So, I'm focusing on restructuring my resume over the next 2 days, applying for jobs, preparing my syllabus, teaching in 2 weeks, going to a conference, and working more than part time at the winery!  My schedule is so packed and I do wonder how I'm going to balance it all successfully.  I think I'm planning on taking it one day at a time, and using my precious morning hours to pack in as much work as I can before I leave for the winery in the afternoon.  Evenings will hopefully be just as productive, although I usually am very tired at the end of a winery day, especially if we've been very busy in the tasting room.  Yesterday was busy, though, and I still managed to work a little in the evening.  So hopefully that's a good sign.

It's all in flux right now and while SOME ambiguity in life is okay, I'm craving a more consistent steady life plan right now.  I've stayed tucked away in academia for the past 5 years (with the exception of moving from Masters location to the PhD program), and now it's time to confront the real world.

This long, meandering entry is mainly meant to say, hey, there's a lot going on right now, and I appreciate everyone's support.  I'll be happy when I know what I'm doing.  'Cause right now, all I can feel are those tunnel walls and a half-dead creature beside me. 
7/3/2010 01:31:29 pm

oh gosh
The real world-welcome to it.
Life has it's twists and wiggles.
It takes a lot of internal chatting to come to some understanding of why things are the way they are .
(and not the way you wanted them)
If we verbalized all our worries it would drive those around us nuts.
Night time is the most wicked time. It's just plain mean that the brain won't shut-down at hs. (hour of sleep-in some Latin form)
Getting out with the pups will help.
I hope you have time for them.
Your posting about education contines to help me understand my eldest and his plans. He has an interview later this week on doing his Masters/ PhD in BioChem starting in Jan. So far from home. money? what money?
another 6+ years of education? BUT he loves it- and that's what counts- to do what you love. lucky.
really really lucky. really
Hugs to pups


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